As tagging scheme proves as useless as him, Chris Grayling “still certain” he must have done something right at MoJ

insists not every single bloody decision he made was a complete disaster.

The f%cknugget against whom every other f%cknugget is measured, the gold standard f%cknugget Chris Grayling, is sure he did something right as Justice Minister.

“To give you a clue about his competence,” said a weary MoJ insider “when Michael Gove took over here and reversed many of Chris’ decisions, he seemed like a breath of fresh air, an intellectual giant capable of forming a view based on actual facts. That’s Michael Gove, I’ll let you think that through.”

With mounting evidence that his reforms to prisons, probation and court services have all been costly failures, most recently the National Audit Office’s assessment of the piss-poor GPS tagging scheme, Grayling tearfully insists not every single bloody decision he made as Justice Secretary was a complete disaster.

“I ordered a white coffee with sugar once!” cried Grayling, jumping up triumphantly, although he was later forced to accept he doesn’t like sugar. Or white coffee. “Or coffee.” he admitted.