May blames Larry the Cat for election fiasco – puts him in a bin

Theresa May has chucked Larry the Cat in a bin saying it was his incessant meowing that persuaded her to call an early election.

“Every day at 8am and 6pm Larry would come up to me and meow and meow. He was obviously obsessed with the idea I should call an early election” said May.

“I gave him the brush-off saying ‘Larry I can’t do it – I’ve promised the British public 7 times I won’t call an early election’ but Larry just wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer” explained the PM.

“Larry just kept up his meowing campaign twice a day like clockwork. I could see he thought an early election was a way of opportunistically exploiting the weakness of Labour to increase the Conservative majority under the guise of enhancing Brexit negotiations but any attempt by me to point out how this would insult the British public’s intelligence was met with a brick wall of fur.”

“Larry meowing, Fiona and Nick whining, David Davis always in my ear, Sir Lynton only allowing me to say 3 words, damn Jeremy Corbyn, damn voters, and Larry’s incessant meowing – the one person you can’t blame for this whole election mess is me” implored May as she tossed Larry and any number of other escaped goats in the bin.