Monthly Archives: May 2017

New ‘grasping prosthetic hand’ is actually based on Philip Green

Scientists made the prosthetic hand more lifelike than the original

Harold scientists have developed a prosthetic hand with extraordinary grasping powers, inspired by the limbs of well-known yacht enthusiast, Sir Philip Green.

Dr Rachel Guest explains: “Our new device bypasses usual hindrances like common decency, by incorporating the so-called Green technology chip into a myoelectric hand.”

“Once it detects stored wealth, say pensioners’ life savings, the prosthetic limb can grasp everything not actually nailed down, then hide it in a Monaco bank account held in trust by the other hand.”

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Filed under Business

Mrs May pledges buckets of chips for everyone

Mrs May negotiating a chip.

The Conservative Party has started its campaign of checking the quality of chips in every town in the country.

“I have been absolutely clear right from the start that the foundation of a strong economy is a good plate of chips,” she told the BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg.

“Historically, we’ve always been a nation built on potatoes and we welcome the diversity of modern potato products, like crisps and waffles, along with the more traditional formats, such as roast potatoes and, of course, chips.  Not to mention jacket potatoes, which provide not only carbohydrates but also clothing for poor people.” Continue reading

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Filed under Brexit, Civil rights, Economy, environment, Europe, Farming, Food, Lifestyle, Politics

Threatening the other side “a good negotiating strategy” says May

Come on then, Juncker, if you think you’re hard enough

Theresa May says firing off threats and insults is the bedrock of successful negotiations and so she’ll be a “bloody difficult woman” towards Jean-Claude Juncker during Brexit talks.

Reviving a line used during her leadership campaign, when she didn’t need opponents to like her afterwards, she added “Come on then Juncker, if you think you’re hard enough!”

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Filed under Brexit, News, Politics