Is he awake?
Living embodiment of a heavy mogadon overdose in human form, Philip Hammond, has dropped plans to increase NI rates for the self-employed.
“I’ve listened to the negative comments of the Daily Mail and its readers and acted accordingly.” said Chancellor Hammond, adding, “I’m not a fool!”.
“I now realise that abandoning manifesto commitments might lose the Tory party valuable votes, so I’ll wait until the Taylor report is published before taking this forward.”Hammond denied that this was ‘kicking the issue into the long grass’, insisting that he was in fact “‘sweeping it under the carpet’, which is an entirely different response.”
The PM said last week that the NI rate increase would mean the poorest workers paying less, the contributions gap being closed and the system becoming “fair”.
A Downing Street spokesperson today explained that these claims were, in technical terminology, what economists call ‘bollocks’.
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