Trump to be given toy nuclear button to play with

“You’re fired!”

Donald Trump is to be given a special “training” red button when he takes office in the White House, insiders revealed today.


A spokesman revealed that there were fears that the incoming President might not fully realise the seriousness of the nuclear launch system, and therefore plans have been put in place to give him a toy red button to play with until he learns that pressing it is a bad thing.

“He’s been demanding a red button all day, saying he’s in charge now and we can’t stop him,’ admitted one insider. “So we’ve started him off with a nice bright plastic one with a teddy bear head on the top.”

“He’s been hammering the crap out of that button all day, shouting ‘You’re fired!’ over and over and over…”

Trump has so far apparently tried to nuke Iran, California and a rival Scottish golf course, so it may be some time before he truly grasps the significance of nuclear proliferation.

“He gets worse if we take too long bringing his snacks in,” explained the aide. “We brought in the cookies without choc chips by mistake, and he tried to nuke the kitchen. It’s a worry.”

In a similar development, it has been discovered that Trump’s hotline to Vladimir Putin is actually only connected to an intern sitting in a White House broom cupboard, who can do a passable Russian accent.

“We thought this might be necessary to prevent an international incident,” explained a CIA spokesperson.

“But so far, Donald’s just thanked him every day for ‘all the help’, and says the cheque’s in the post.”

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