Trump denies running for president, blames media


“O, thou scabrous reptile, thou cream-faced loon, thou pussy toad…” Joe Queenan

Proof that money can’t buy happiness or a decent wig, Donald Trump, has taken to Twitter to deny that he’s running for President of the USA.

“President rumors put about by Crooked Hillary/mainstream media. Am most successful man in world already #FACT.” he tweeted at three am before quickly following it up with “Have never made a single speech. That’s what THEY want you to think #yesofcourseImeanJews.”

Trump went on to insist that his activities and statements over the past year have all been made up by the media because “that’s what Hillary wants” then announced where his ambitions really lie.

“Windsors washed-up and pathetic,” he tweeted. “How many top reality TV shows have they fronted? Elizabeth? I wouldn’t, take a look at her #TrumpforQueen.”

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