Everything to be in black and white as Tories drag country back to the forties

We’re going to need a lot more hats

Theresa May has announced that the UK will be entirely monochrome from now on to match the government’s policies of there not being an NHS and kids getting written off at eleven if they can’t get into grammar school.

“The 1940s was a time when this country was at its best,” the Prime Minister said. “There was no shirking, no malingering and everyone had a sense of purpose.”

“I know that for five years of that decade there was also a bloody great war going on which we don’t have now,” she said. “On the other hand we do have Boris Johnson as our senior representative abroad so I’m sure it won’t be long.”