Fears grow for Trump as he admits he’s running out of crazy

Sophistication on toast: the real Donald Trump relaxing at home

Thoughtful scholar and gentle soul, Donald Trump, has admitted that he’s running out of abominable shite to spout.

“It’s getting harder and harder to come up with the goods,” he confessed. “I go home at night, take off the vivid orange make-up, remove the…let’s just call it a wig, shall we? We’re all better off not knowing the fine details…and try to relax with a slim volume of metaphysical poetry and a nice dry Grüner Veltliners but it’s impossible as I find myself worrying about where tomorrow’s crazy will come from.”

“I know it sounds effortless: build a wall this, climate change was invented by the Chinese that, Islam, Islam, Mexicans, Islam however it’s really not. I may seem to be endlessly babbling egregious nonsense like the world’s most prominent fountain of dim but it all takes considerable thought and planning,” he said.

“I’m running to be President of the USA. It’s not something you can half-ass by simply shouting the first hideous thing that comes into your head over and over again. The American public are far too intelligent to be taken in by such a charade.”

“Aren’t they?”