Serena Williams drug test reveals lovely glossy coat and cold nose


She’s got Pedigree, chum.

Serena Williams is under investigation from sporting anti-doping agencies after a random check at the Italian Open.

Williams, who confessed to ‘inadvertently’ consuming dog food before the match, was found by medical staff to have a lovely glossy coat and cold nose after reaching the last eight of the Italian Open.

The world number one tried “a spoonful” of food meant for her dog, Chip, before beating fellow American Christina McHale in straight sets in Rome.

It is believed that doping experts were made suspicious by her uncharacteristically athletic performance in leaping at the net and catching the ball in her mouth, combined with her unusual end-change ritual of cocking her leg and urinating against the umpire’s chair.

Her opponent declined to make an official complaint, but seemed distracted by Williams’ tactic of constantly running round to her side of the court and sniffing her arse.

A spokesperson for the player denied that any performance advantage had resulted from the dog food, saying: “Serena has always been an honest player, not a cheat.”

“She’s a good girl. Who’s a good girl then? Yes you are, yes you are!”

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