Chilcot report due on 6th July: Blair’s death to be announced on the 5th

“Betrayal is the only truth that sticks” – Arthur Miller

Avaricious shadow demon in an ex-Prime Minister costume, Tony Blair, is confidently expected to be found dead in some woods near one of his many homes on 5th July now that the Chilcot Report is being published on the 6th.

Blair, aka The Man Who Warred Too Much, will for the first time in a long time do the decent thing rather than attend a trial for war crimes at the Hague provisionally booked in for the 7th.

The Chilcot Report itself was completed two years ago however at over two million words it broke Sir John’s word count function and he decided to count them manually to be on the safe side. The process was sped up following the redaction of the words ‘Tony’, ‘Blair’, ‘David’, ‘Kelly’ and ‘murdered’ which brought the word count down by 65%.

Sadly for Blair all the words have been put back in and rather than face the music he will chose instead to dance.

With the devil.