Plans to turn all state school into academies “shouldn’t apply to us” say Conservative councils

OK, not the best picture but this way we’ve (probably) got the right chap

“It was bad enough when that awful little man Gove was in charge” says Melinda Tilley, the councillor running education in the PMs Witney constituency, who is a tad grumpy about plans to academise state schools. “But this new woman is planning to sell off our schools. And we’re true blue.”

Tilley insists “This is not why I became a Conservative, I became a Conservative so I could tell poor people what to do.”

Schools minister and former accountant Nick Gibb says he and Secretary of State and former corporate lawyer Nicky Morgan are in agreement over the proposals.

“They’re aimed at freeing professionals from interfering local authorities. When I say professionals I mean, you know, accountants, corporate lawyers, CEOs of the new academy chains, I thought I should make that point clear. The last thing they need is elected busybodies sticking their oars in! ”

Gibb says there’s cash to be made in every area, so Witney may expect no special treatment, adding. “When politics is over we may return to accountancy and corporate law – though it’s not at all clear where we might find nice well-paid positions.”