Jeremy Hunt ‘confident’ new NHS contracts will influence staff morale


Hunt: “I’ve been listening” Junior Doctors: “The voices in your own head don’t count!”

Jeremy Hunt says his decision to impose a new junior doctors’ contract was primarily intended to make a difference to NHS industrial relations.

“When I took over from Andrew Lansley, some people in the NHS, who really should have known better, told me that staff morale couldn’t get any lower. But since then, I’ve gone that extra mile – Monday to Friday, school term times only – and proved those naysayers wrong.”

“I’ve built on my extensive business knowledge of PR and marmalade” boasted the public school educated multi-millionaire “and really dug deep. So deep, in fact, that I’ve excavated loads of entirely new basement levels and I haven’t nearly finished yet.”

Reluctant striker and Junior Doctor, Hannah agreed “He’s right, we passed the sewer systems some while back and it’s still going downhill at one hell ofa lick.”

“Staff morale can now only be reached using a Bathysphere and breathing equipment.” joked Hunt “When the effects of the new contracts kicks in, it’s time to think about getting some more Bupa shares. Job done.”

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