PM: Parents need to teach children “to vote the right way”

“You in the track suit bottoms, yes you. Vote conservative.”

David Cameron has confirmed that his Life Chances Strategy for tackling child poverty must focus on parenting skills and completely ignore the effects of his own policies.

“If we waste time finding why there’s half a million more children in poverty since I became Prime Minister,”  Mr Cameron joked with journalists “we’d have precious few resources left to tackle the real issue, which is teaching your kids to vote conservative.”

“Not everyone had the advantages I had,” he went on “of being taught to vote conservative when I sat on my tax-efficient father’s knee.”

The PM says that twenty-first century living is complex and that many people simply don’t know that voting labour is inherently wrong. “Parents need guidance” he said “on teaching children the importance of; social responsibility, voting conservative, respect for the law, voting conservative, basic household budgeting and voting conservative.”

“And of course we all need to teach our children the values of self-entitlement, uh, I mean self-reliance.”