Youth ‘crack-walking’ craze leads to rise in bear attacks

cracksbearsLocal police today urged parents in the village of Harold to be “ever so careful” to keep their offspring from walking on cracks in the pavement, after an 80% increase in paving-related bear attacks.

“There seems to be a general lack of appreciation of the risks presented by the current crack-stepping craze’ warned Bear Prevention Officer James James Morrison-Morrison. ‘We can only urge greater vigilance by parents; young people are all too ready to experiment with crack-stepping, bringing with it tragic consequences. The sillies.”

On a day of stark warnings for Harold’s youth, the police also issued fresh evidence of the dangers of swallowing chewing gum, showing that ingesters face a 90% chance of the gum wrapping itself around the heart, causing instant death.

“We need a concerted campaign of health education’ said PC Anita Flegg ‘our young people are treating serious health dangers as mere playground myths: only last week we had to remove a full sized apple tree from the stomach of young man who had accidentally swallowed a pip.”

“What a tosser.”

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