Labour activists to defeat ISIL by bullying them on Twitter

As Jeremy Corbyn insisted that the fanaticism of ISIL will not be defeated by bombs, party activists claimed they can only be tackled by bullying them on social media.

“Tweeting that they ‘might want to watch out’, or posting their home address on Facebook, will soon undermine their resolve”, explained party activist Seamus Gott.

“Or we could shout the same slogan over and over again outside their bedroom window, all through the night”, Gott mused. “That should get the message across that we don’t value their opinions.”

When asked, Gott dismissed a suggestion that vague threats of violence might not work. He swiftly made a placard with ‘NO’ on, and shook it to make his point.

Meanwhile, Corbyn was looking for a ‘third way’.

“There are alternative ways of dealing with oppressive regimes”, Corbyn lamented. “For instance, you can go on holiday, or close your eyes. But I’m through with negotiation: what if they’ve got a Hilary Benn?”