US Muslims call for assholes to wear wigs


“Look, there’s one now!”

Following the news that Donald Trump has suggested forcing American Muslims to wear special badges, leading Muslims have called for assholes everywhere to be made to wear ridiculous comb-over-style wigs, so they can be avoided at a distance.

Trump told reporters at his campaign bunker this morning he had originally believed that people’s skin colour could be used as a handy warning of imminent terrorism, before coming up with the excellent but uneasily-familiar idea of registration and badging.

In response, a spokesman for Muslim Action Network, a leading US charity, suggested that the real problem might be avoiding assholes, not Muslims, and pointed out that seeing as Trump is already leading the way, a laughably piss-poor hairpiece might be an excellent way to spot those a-holes a-coming.

“A giant flappy bouffant comb-over, like a handful of used straw stuck loosely on the scabby top of a stupid sunburnt egg” was the spokesman’s enthusiastic specification.

Less polite commentators suggested that as Mr Trump seems to be keen on historical-style labelling of minorities, a small star-shaped badge might be appropriate. “Brown, like a rusty sherrif’s badge, and rich in symbolism. Yes, an asshole” was the consensus.

Meanwhile, declining hopeful Bob Carson was busy proposing something about Muslims being kept in kennels, but no-one was listening to him anymore, so it didn’t really matter.

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