Following the news that Donald Trump has suggested forcing American Muslims to wear special badges, leading Muslims have called for assholes everywhere to be made to wear ridiculous comb-over-style wigs, so they can be avoided at a distance.
Trump told reporters at his campaign bunker this morning he had originally believed that people’s skin colour could be used as a handy warning of imminent terrorism, before coming up with the excellent but uneasily-familiar idea of registration and badging.
In response, a spokesman for Muslim Action Network, a leading US charity, suggested that the real problem might be avoiding assholes, not Muslims, and pointed out that seeing as Trump is already leading the way, a laughably piss-poor hairpiece might be an excellent way to spot those a-holes a-coming.
“A giant flappy bouffant comb-over, like a handful of used straw stuck loosely on the scabby top of a stupid sunburnt egg” was the spokesman’s enthusiastic specification.
Less polite commentators suggested that as Mr Trump seems to be keen on historical-style labelling of minorities, a small star-shaped badge might be appropriate. “Brown, like a rusty sherrif’s badge, and rich in symbolism. Yes, an asshole” was the consensus.
Meanwhile, declining hopeful Bob Carson was busy proposing something about Muslims being kept in kennels, but no-one was listening to him anymore, so it didn’t really matter.