Ebola nurse urges Glaswegians to stop eating bush meat

A nurse who was cured of ebola, only to contract it again on returning to Scotland, has urged Glaswegians to stop eating bush meat.

Morag McClough had been working in Sierra Leone when she first contracted the disease, where she was treating people who had been infected after eating tainted chimp meat.

But after being cured, McClough caught it again on her return to Glasgow, possibly from a very, very similar source.

“That’ll teach me to forage for native species, armed only with a blow pipe”, quipped McClough. “But in all seriousness, I only ordered a skinny capuchin without any shots, from a slightly dodgy-looking street café.”

“So it’s not just road kill that we need to stop consuming: it’s anything with an opposable thumb. Remember: if your meal can hitch a lift, it’s probably going to kill you.”

McClough was asked by our journalist if she’d considered becoming a vegetarian after her double-dose of ebola. In a startling coincidence, his broken jaw is being treated in the ward next to the one she recovered in.