Baby licked by Brian Blessed ‘developed super powers’


Very advanced for her age.

A baby that was delivered and subsequently licked by Brian Blessed now possesses powers associated with the super-human actor.

The baby girl was freed from her mother after Blessed gnawed through her umbilical cord. And just 6 months later, she was sporting a full beard.

“I remember sitting under a tree, when my pregnancy began”, said mother Charlotte Twaddle. “And then moments later, Blessed was chomping at the bits.”

After Blessed licked the baby clean of the associated unpleasantness, the child crawled almost immediately, before taking to the air.

“She had the most gorgeous baby wings”, said Twaddle. “When she boomed ‘DIVE!’ I was so proud. Then she shat on my car, and I began to wish I’d been helped by pigeons.”

Twaddle revealed that with great babies comes great responsibility; “we had to buy stairgates when she was just four days old.”

“It wasn’t to stop her going upstairs, although that was inconvenient. It was because after the third time, we were sick of retrieving her from Mount Everest.”

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