Companies clamour to get Tony Blair to badmouth their products

After two spectacular interventions into the Labour leadership race caused Jeremy Corbyn’s popularity to soar, companies are falling over themselves to get Tony Blair to badmouth their products.

Coca-Cola have been battling concerns its products are unhealthy, but as soon as foreign dictator consultant Blair described Coke as a ‘1980s throwback sugar-laden pile of piss’, sales exploded. Likewise, McDonald’s had queues stretching out the door after the monger of wars said its food was ‘plastic, inauthentic, and caused face cancer’. Banks lined up to have Blair call them ‘greedy, heartless, blood-sucking leeches on society’.

Harold PR guru Angela Steele said Blair’s universal unpopularity was a marketer’s dream. “He could describe wasps as ‘vindictive sharp little bastards ‘, and the nation would crowd-fund a sanctuary for them. He’s like a combination of Katie Hopkins, Jimmy Savile, and that woman who put the cat in the wheelie bin, only more hated.”

Blair’s spokesman said although he was booked solid badmouthing various goods and services till after Christmas, Blair still did pro bono work to give back to the community.

“Just the other day Tony took time out of his busy schedule to describe Iain Duncan Smith as a ‘caring, compassionate Conservative, who is slightly taller than he looks’.”