E-cigarettes ‘could make you look like a bell-end’ warn scientists

With e-cigarettes in the spotlight amid a potential ban in Wales, scientists have warned that using the devices can make you look like a bell-end.

“Most debate focusses around the relative health benefits compared to regular cigarettes”, explained Doctor Adam Wale, Professor of self-image at the University of Exeter, “But we do not yet fully understand the long-term risks associated with making yourself look like a bell-end by essentially smoking a pen.”

“This is an issue that can stay with you forever, especially if you are photographed with your device as a permanent reminder of just how ridiculous you look.”

It is widely accepted that smoking is cool, which to many people can outweigh any health concerns. Until maverick detectives who get results despite not playing by the rules start ‘vaping’ in gritty Hollywood blockbusters though, e-cigarettes will remain firmly rooted in ‘bell-end’ territory.

“We have tried to do tests on a group of chimpanzees to establish the long-term risks”, continued Dr Wale, “We don’t have any conclusive results though because when we presented them with the e-cigarettes they looked at us like we were mental, broke out of the lab and went and stole some proper fags from an off-licence.”

“There are implications for those around you too. Your friends could end up being photographed with you and your electronic bell-end stick and have their own reputations tarnished by association. People need to understand the risks of passive vaping.”