Engineers have produced an alloy that springs back into shape no matter how bent it appears.
Named Blatter after the indestructible president of FIFA, it is created by combining the resilient elements of Mugabe, Farage and various species of cockroach into an alloy which never seems to wear out, no matter what is thrown at it.
“We are entering into a new era with this discovery,” said Dr Rachel Guest. “It will only usually take a few knocks before an edifice made of a conventional alloy will start to weaken and lose its strength, but despite all possible evidence we’ve found that Blatter just shakes everything off and keeps going as if nothing has happened; time and time again.”
Dr Guest explained that thousands of experiments were conducted in which boffins tried to corrupt the new alloy in every possible way, but true to its name, it resisted in the face of all logic.
“To be honest, we’ve no idea how Blatter survives,” she admitted, “but if you could bottle this stuff in some way you could rule the world for ever.”