UK launches home-testing kit for arseholism


Test is simple and quick.

A scientist from Harold has launched a home testing kit, allowing people to diagnose whether or not they’re an arsehole.

The condition is widespread and can make those affected insufferable, but until now, it’s been hard to self-diagnose.

Local GP Dr Evans is the brains behind the kit, which he’s expecting to sell in large numbers.

“Not directly to those with arseholism, obviously”, clarified Evans. “None of them have a clue that they’re ill.”

“But work colleagues can chip in and present an arsehole with a test kit, as a hint that there might be a problem.”

The test can be stored in a domestic refrigerator, and requires the patient to provide a urine sample in public, while blowing a kazoo.

“They’re then asked to tip the sample into an open carton of milk, and pop it back in the fridge door”, said Evans. “If they get that far, there’s a good chance they’re an arsehole. My next step is to work on a cure.”

Evans previously launched a home-test kit for baldness, consisting of a sterilised marble. “You put it on top of your head and try and keep it there”, explained Evans. “If it rolls off, you’re probably infested with baldness.”

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