Miliband rules out serving first term

I’ll be off then…

Following David Cameron’s somewhat premature announcement that he would not serve a third term as Prime Minister, Labour Party leader Ed Miliband has controversially ruled out serving a first term. He reportedly came to this decision  after studying opinion polls and talking to people.

Miliband tipped David Cameron, Home Secretary Theresa May, Chancellor George Osborne and London Mayor Boris Johnson as potential Prime Ministers, but admitted sadly that he personally was unlikely to be taking advantage of Downing Street’s lavish pair of kitchens any time soon.

“Terms are like Shredded Wheat,” explained Miliband to journalists. “I can’t even manage one. It’s just not going to happen, is it? Well, maybe if you poured milk all over it, but Prime Minister? Not bloody likely.”
Asked whether he could imagine “life outside” when he falls short at the election, he said one day he would “find something else to do”.

“Actually, I’d like to be a chef,” he explained. “I’d like to be two chefs.”

BBC deputy political editor James Landale said the Miliband’s comments would “electrify the election campaign”.

“Not only could this kick-start a lengthy Labour leadership contest, it will also send a message to voters that there is a serious possibility that the Labour leader will not go on and on and on and on. And on.”

“But it is quite a gamble. There is a risk that some voters will feel so sorry for Ed that they might actually remember who he is and vote for him. It’s possible that this is actually a stroke of genius from Miliband. Possible, but not likely.”