A new ‘smart’ watch from Apple that harnesses kinetic energy from frenetic hand movements stops functioning ‘the moment you stop abusing yourself’, according to reports.
Apple claims that the tiny device has a standby time ‘over 25 seconds’, but some testers have found it to be less than ‘half a stroke’ in practice.
“We’ve tested our new self-congratulatory tech in almost every conceivable environment”, said an Apple spokesman Ronald Fairchild. “In the home, on a bus, and even near to a woman.”
“While early adopters will have to embark on near-continual onanism for it to function, we think the device is so marvellous, you’ll want to give yourself a little handshake.”
While some bloggers have ridiculed the battery life, Apple’s in-house engineers think it’s unlikely to affect 95% of customers.
“It’s not an issue that raised it’s head during development”, said Fairchild. “Not even amongst our beater testers.”
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