Captain Clegg admits beaching party in a desperate attempt to stop it sinking

The captain of a political party has taken the decision to beach in a last minute attempt to stop it sinking.

Captain Clegg of the damaged ship Lib Dem admitted finding a location above sea level to beach the party was difficult as since 2010 he has found it very hard to navigate it on the moral high ground.

“As we began the approach May’s election and started to voyage out on our own away from Port Coalition, it was become clear that the party was beginning to sink fast,” Captain Clegg explained. 

“If we are honest it was clear that we had started leaning to the right but I tried to ignore that. However, as soon as we started to put distance between us and Port Coalition we found it hard to bring it back to the left.

“I took the decision with First Mate Cable that we needed to try to stop the party leaning any more to the right and probably sinking, and that beaching it seems like the best bet. We understand that our journey to May’s election has now come to a standstill, and it is unfortunate that the only place we could beach it was on some very rocky ground.”

The 57 crew of MPs on board have been using lifeboats to try and distance themselves from the stranded party, but many are disappointed that on this one occasion the captain hasn’t jumped ship.

Beaching the party actually took two attempts. Captain Clegg explained: “We ended up here after a failed attempt to get stuck on the centre ground”

Experts have said it is unlikely that the Lib Dem will be able to sail again and have recommend it be put on the political scrapheap