How to enjoy, or at least survive, the office Christmas party

MarkThe party season is in full swing, and even if you’re not a natural party animal our essential guide will help you find your inner beast.

Although the annual bash has moved away from the office itself, many party venues are offering traditional entertainment with photocopiers and the perennial favourite, the stationery cupboard thrown in along with the tepid turkey, chipolatas and randy DJ.

So here is our handy survival guide:

Can’t Face it? Apart from being accused of not being a ‘team player’ think carefully before you throw in the sickie option. Didn’t you do this last year?

What will I get for my £24.99 plus drinks kitty? Come on, you know exactly what you’ll get. Abysmal food, terrible entertainment, a gropey snog with the deputy head of accounts and a hangover that will last you until Easter. You’ll love it.

About that entertainment. There is no way to cope with Jacqui’s full on Lady Gaga routine or Strange Norman’s annual rendition of Gary Glitter’s back catalogue without biblical quantities of alcohol.  This is no occasion for designer mineral water. Seriously consider recreational drugs if they are available.

Some do’s and don’ts

Keep clear of colleagues throwing up. It’s probably the booze but it might just be Ebola.

Write your address on your wrist before setting out. This can save a lot of confusion later.

Don’t be the last to leave. Some idiot is bound to have ordered the finest cognac and blown the kitty. You don’t want to be the one asked to sort it out.

Do avoid having ‘one more for the road’ with the odd couple, Alicia and Darren. They’re even weirder than office rumours suggest.

And finally…… don’t call your boss a wanker. It will be very awkward with the tosser on Monday.


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