Mendacious man mountain Kim Jong-un has been seen out and about in Pyongyang according to North Korean state media.
“Our glorious leader has visited two locations very important to making our great nation stronger and better,” a statement released earlier today said. “We’re not giving specific dates and times nor is there any footage of these visits, which totally did happen, you guys, we BFFs forever pinky-swear, because reasons.”
“Kim Jong-un is well and dedicates all his time to serving his beloved people by heroically consuming more calories in a day than the rest of us have access to in a week and hanging out with Dennis Rodman.”
These words sparked carefully orchestrated scenes of spontaneous joy on the streets of Pyongyang and a state of ecstasy in the below the line comments on the Guardian website.