Cat owners open gardens for public defecation

I'd give it 5 minutes if I were you

“I’d give it five minutes. Make that ten”

Residents of the village of Harold are celebrating the introduction of an ancient bylaw forcing cat owners to open up their gardens for the general public to defecate in.

This delightful community event owes its success to many hours work by local police officer P.C Anita Flegg. It’s no free for all though, gardens must be open to the public between 9.00am and 6.30pm every second Sunday of the month, with cat owners obliged to provide tea, cake and wet wipes to all visitors.

“The new law is proving really popular with people who don’t have cats, and is drawing cat owners’ attention to the distress that their little darlings cause to others.” said P.C. Flegg, while curling one out on the front lawn of the woman at number 47. “Oh look, they have Victoria sponge here, and Earl Grey.”

Local Landlord Eddie Grudgingly told us “There was a lot of excitement in the bar yesterday evening, one regular told me he’d been saving up all week, although he can’t earn much cos he only bought a pint of Guinness and a pickled egg.”

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