Judge wearing a wig and tights criticises lawyer’s ‘ridiculous clothing’

'I'm not wearing pants'

The hanging Judge: “I’m not wearing any pants”

A furious judge, resplendent in silver-buckled patent leather shoes, gave a lawyer a public dressing down yesterday, for looking like ‘something out of Harry Potter’.

Brushing specks of imaginary dust from his frilly white ruff, Judge Davd Wynn Morgan tore into solicitor-advocate Alan Blacker, who had sewn ribbons and St John Ambulance medals onto his robes.

“If you want to look like something out of Harry Potter, don’t come into my court again” sneered Judge Morgan, tugging down on his black tights which had ridden-up during luncheon.

“I’ve practised in these courts since 1978 and never seen an advocate’s outfit more calculated than yours to make the legal system look ridiculous.”

Flicking back his wig, Judge Morgan appeared to be warming to his task, if flecks of spittle are an indication  “Here in Wales we had a barrister who’d won the Victoria Cross. Did you ever see him wearing a medal? Well, no, you wouldn’t have, because he died before you were born, but take it from me he’d have thought it the height of vulgarity.”

“Anyway” he concluded, in calmer fashion “VC ribbons would have clashed with the lilac trimmings on his robes, same colour as these. See how they catch the light when I twirl around. Good aren’t they?”


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