‘If you’re going to tell a lie, make it this big.’
Theresa May has welcomed the news that 10% of the electorate voted in the West Midlands Police & Crime Commissioner by-election.
“Brilliant news. This shows how happy people are with the system I made up. Otherwise they wouldn’t have stayed indoors watching Eastenders, but turned out to vote.”
Mrs May explained exactly why crime figures have been falling steadily for many years both at home and right across western Europe.
“Since 1995, crime in England and Wales has fallen by nearly 60%, which I am linking directly to my having introduced PCCs in 2012. An initiative which has now successfully involved many dozens of local people in the management of their local police.”
“As you can see, I clearly established, in that last paragraph, a direct link between PCCs and the sustained drop in crime over twenty years.” said the Cabinet Minister “But what would Labour do? Tear up all those gains and go back to ‘the dark ages’, with elected local councillors holding Police to account. That’s not democracy. Have you seen how few people vote in local elections?”
May dismissed suggestions, by those she termed ‘radical commentators’, that the turnout might have been just a little disappointing; given that the whole thing cost £4 million. “£20 a vote may seem a lot to you” she said “but it’s chicken feed compared to what we charge for a peerage.”
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