Gardeners’ Question Time killed Bambi’s mother: sociopathic show under fire from top academic

The mark of the devil

There are increasing calls for Gardeners’ Question Time to be taken off air following revelations of its unhinged behaviour. The latest one comes a day after Dr Ben Pitcher of the University of Westminster accused the show of being racist for using terms like ‘native’ and ‘non-native’ when discussing plant species and using the word ‘soil’ as a coded reference to racial purity.

Now Elwen Hargest, Emeritus Professor at the University of Dunstable has accused the show of killing Bambi’s mother.

“That’s not the worst of it,” Professor Hargest said while promoting his new book Gardeners’ Question Time: a compost of depravity revealed. I have evidence the GQT is responsible for Cadbury’s Creme Eggs getting smaller, and for James Corden.”

He was however quick to refute that the show was in any way racist.

“That’s just nonsense,” he said. “The language used on the show is quite obviously full of veiled references to our Lizard Overlords and the New World Order. All this racism tosh simply the bleatings of an idiot from an ex-poly who wanted to be in the Daily Mail.”

“Gardners Question Time isn’t racist, it’s far more dangerous that that,” Professor Hargest told us. “And yet even it is less of threat to our way of life than the feelings of catastrophic depression and hopeless boredom engendered by listening to Saturday Live.”