Committee finds Vince Cable sold his soul too cheaply

A committee of MPs has published a report today that suggests Vince Cable sold his soul too cheaply.

They have said Mr Cable, along with other Liberal Democrats, panicked, selling their souls, morals and ethics for the measly price of an unwinnable AV referendum all to secure a quick coalition.

Mr Cable’s soul and morals were originally valued at free tuition fees and a £2m mansion tax, however he sold them off for a promise of a public vote and a bit of power.

“What people need to realise is that the price of an MPs soul is very volatile,” Mr Cable explained.

“In hindsight maybe I did sell out at a low price, but I did I did take expert advise. I asked William Hague, George Osbourne and Maggie Thatcher, and in all of their unbiased opinions it was a good deal.

“If I hadn’t taken it I would never have got my own office with a phone. It’s not connected but I can pretend.”

Mr Hague denies giving advise to Mr Cable that wasn’t in his best interest.

“As with any sale like this, when he privatised his soul and sold it to us in 2010, we weren’t to know that the biggest beneficiaries of that sale would be us.

“And even if we did, what kind of idiot asks for advise from the people most likely to profit from a sale. Oh, yeah. Him.”

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