Villagers fear being sent to the Hague after Blair says ‘we’ aren’t to blame for Iraq crisis


It’s no use looking up there, Tone. God’s not the slightest bit impressed.

There is fear and confusion on the streets of Harold this morning following the publication of an essay on Iraq by Tony Blair. In it the former PM states that “We have to liberate ourselves from the notion that ‘we’ have caused this.”

Blair’s words and use throughout the essay of ‘we’ and ‘our’ has left villagers wondering if they are war criminals.

“I’m sure I didn’t start an illegal war based on a ‘sexed-up’ dossier,” said pensioner Elsie Duggan. “That’s the sort of thing you’d remember doing, isn’t it? Or did I? I left my glasses in Tesco the other day so anything’s possible.”

“It’s strange,” co-owner of the geek shop Dungeons & More Dungeons Cassie Fine told us. “I’ve checked in my diaries for the time and apparently I was one of over a million who marched in protest against the invasion of Iraq but now Tony Blair says I started it.”

“It’s confusing I want to say he’s a delusional ****ing liar who’s liberated himself from his sanity but what if he’s right? He is supposed to be quite clever.”

“If I am responsible for the Iraq invasion then I should be sent to the Hague,” post-graduate student Adam Cassidy said. “If I’ve done everything Blair’s done I should be locked up for everyone’s safety.”

“Dunno what Blair’s giving it with all this ‘we’ not ‘I’ stuff,” Elsie Duggan added. “If it’s all of us then how come only you got the money, Tony?”

A meeting will be held tonight in The Squirrel Lickers where the village will decide if it should hand itself in for crimes against humanity or not. It is thought that the combination of fear, alcohol and politics will lead quickly to a peaceful resolution and in no way leave Harold a volatile and unstable place.

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