Michael Gove has announced that the syllabus for GCSE English will consist exclusively of novels by JK Rowling, following her recent ‘outstanding display of Britishness’.
As a result of her sizeable donation to the Scotland ‘No’ campaign, the author has been reassessed by the education secretary. Her books are now rated as ‘outstanding’, rather than ‘satisfactory’ as previously thought.
“I would endorse any author who promotes Britishness in their writing, especially if that writing is on a cheque book”, revealed Gove. “There’s a million reasons why we’ve made this decision.”
The Harry Potter novels describe the adventures of a small group of children born into a magical privilege, which gives them access to an expensive, special school.
“That’s something everyone can relate to”, insisted Gove. “Particularly if you happen to be an MP.”
Gove has removed shelves of older books from the school list, to make way for Rowling’s sacred tomes.
“We really don’t need to fill children’s heads with stories by old has-beens like Tolkien, Chaucer or Homer”, he explained. “Not now they’ve been plagiarised in one convenient place.”