Mumsnet attacked by Heartbleed Bug: data-thieves suffering after being exposed to so much bile

depressed computer covering head

He just wanted credit card details not a 250-page debate on Katie Hopkins

In a cyber-crime first desperate data-thieves are trying to give back the information they’ve stolen. Using the Heartbleed bug a small gang attacked Mumsnet and have been left in tatters by what they saw.

“I’m not a bad person,” said a hacker who would only give their name as X. “All I wanted to do was steal people’s personal information and use it for financial gain I shouldn’t have to be exposed to…to…to that.”

X and his colleagues have been trying to bleach their eyes after being worn down by topic after topic on the Mumsnet forums descending into straw man arguments and ad hominem attacks.

“It never ends,” wailed X. “Whether the topic is how to get a fussy two year old to eat their quinoa and alfalfa or intersectionality or why Benedict Cumberbatch’s face should be on all our coins the debate is lost under tons and tons of bile.”

“I thought women were always supportive and a sisterhood,” said X sounding baffled. “I guess I’ve spent too much time sat alone in front of a screen.”

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