Met office to forecast your future

Michael PiscesNational weather guessrs the Met Office are branching out into a new variety of forecasting. Starting next week they’ll be watching the sky maps to provide us with daily horoscopes.

It’s an open secret that some of the nation’s best known weather broadcasters are keen astrologists with Michale ‘Fickle’ Fish and Ian ‘Mystic Mac’ McCaskill famed for their powers of foresight.

We managed to speak to top weatherist Carol Kirkwood offa the BBC, and she gave us a sneak preview of what we can expect “With temperatures soaring in middle England this week, Libras in the Harold area may begin to feel the heat. You will be tempted to pull a sickie and sunbathe, but be carefully optimistically cautious about complications this may cause around money.

We’ve been on the street in Harold to find out what you think about astrological predictions. Here’s a selection of what you told us:

“I’m not really sure, do you want to order or not?”
Dominic Delaney (Restauranter) Pisces

“Typical bloody Pisces man, indecisive”
Pippa Delaney (Restauranter) Sagittarius

“Yesterday morning my horoscope said I would feel a warm glow, bump into an old acquaintance, and experience an emotional entanglement. Its all true cos I went for a sun-bed, then bumped into Kyle in the Squirrell Lickers, and we had a knee trembler in the beer garden.”
Melanie Delaney (Style Icon) Taurus

“Its rubbish. Fact.”
Ron Ronsson (Councillor) Cynic

“This reminds me of when I starred in the Blaxplotation classic ‘Black Gypsy Temptress’ in 1976. It co-starred Gloria Hendry and she was hot stuff. I remember one sunny day when she called me over, ‘Rufus’ she said ‘could you rub me over with that baby oil’ well next thing I know……..sorry, what was the question?”
Rufus D. Jackson (Mayor) Stud

John Horse (Tramp) Vagrant

Harold landlord Eddie is holding a Star Sign themed night at the Squirrell Lickers Arms tomorrow night. He told me what to expect “I’ve always loved weather and horoscopes, so it felt right to mark this news with a special event. I’ve designed the perfect drink for every sign of the zodiac, Aquarius – gin and tonic, Gemini – double whisky, John Virgo – half a mild, Lesbian – Tia Maria and Lucozade, Diabetic – rum and coke…. I can’t remember the others, how many are there, 10?” The bar opens at 5pm, Capricorns not welcome.

Comments Off on Met office to forecast your future

Filed under News, Weather

Comments are closed.