Legal pre-nuptial agreements come too late for Nick Clegg

Nick Clegg has welcomed calls for pre-nuptial agreements to become enforceable by courts. He believes that had such a guarantee been in place when he got in bed with David Cameron in 2010, then the impending divorce between them would have been a lot less messy than it is going to be.

“We already have our wedding vows, or as some call it the coalition agreement,” he explained, “but that only deals with how we treat each other while we’re together. I must love and obey, in sickness and in health, even when raising tuition fees.

“In return I got an unwinnable referendum on voting reform and get to sleep closest to the window at night. However it doesn’t cover what happens in 2015 when the likelihood is that David and I will divorce and I’ll start a new relationship with Ed Miliband”

Mr Clegg explained his biggest fear is with Cameron claiming to have put more into the marriage, the lack of pre-nuptial agreement means he will try and take more out.

“I’ve already heard him talking of laying claim to the increased personal tax allowance, economic recovery and Danny Alexander. All he is leaving me with student fees, bedroom tax and a Celine Dion CD.”

David Cameron has hit back at his Deputy, suggesting that even had a pre-nuptial agreement been in place that each party keeps what they started with, there is not much Clegg would have been entitled to.

“When we got together it was clear looking around the Cabinet table it was my Tory chums and I who were bringing the money, so it’s only fair we take that with us. Nick and his Lib Dem friends always said they would be bringing morals. It’s not our fault they went bankrupt”.