Local MP caught using secret tunnels to help him appear normal

1506402_10151928599423149_352713619_nThe MP for Harold, Spencer Chadwick, has had to admit trying to make his family seem “as common as constituents” by linking working class establishments to more upper class alternatives with a link of tunnels running under the village.

The Conservative member of parliament can often be seen posing for pictures dropping his children off at the gates to the local state school. However, the moment his children enter the school they are ushered away from the other children and taken through one of the tunnels on a chauffeur driven Segway to a £4000-a-term private school three miles away.

Defending his actions, Mr Chadwick said: “People in this village want to see their local MP using the same under-funded facilities as everyone else, after all we are all in this together.

“This way they get their wish and see my kids using the local state school, and I get my wish of giving them the best education my late daddies money can buy. Everyone’s a winner.”

Further investigation has shown it is not only the education of his children that has benefited from the tunnels. The web of underground pathways also links the local Tesco Express to the nearest Waitrose, the bus station to a helipad just outside the village and his constituency Conservative Club to the local UKIP offices.

An unrepentant Chadwick said it was not as bad as it seems, and that he has not used Waitrose in six months. “My busy lifestyle means like a lot of other ‘normal’ families I get the weekly shop delivered.

“It gets delivered from Ocado into a waiting Aldi van which brings it right to my front gate, down the driveway, past the stables, round the moat and to my front door.

“I even have my man servant dress in an Aldi uniform for added realism. So I know exactly how voters feel during this time of austerity being served by a man with ketchup down his top.”

David Cameron has reacted angrily to the revelations about his backbencher. “During this time of economic hardship for millions, I made it clear to all my MPs that they should be seen to be living to a similar standard as their constituents, that’s why we all agreed to keep the tunnels a secret.”

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