Let the right ones in: Xenophobes panic as leader makes compassionate statement about foreigners


Charlie Chaplin was great, wasn’t he?

There was panic amongst Ukip supporters yesterday when party leader Nigel Farage called for Britain to allow entry to refugees fleeing the civil war in Syria. This is a massive deviation from their official foreign policy which is to build a huge wall around Great Britain and Northern Ireland and to only allow foreigners over it if they are very, very good at football, cooking or prostitution.

“Farage says he wants to let people in but we’re full!” frothed Ukip member Tom Simmonds about a place where only 6% of land is classified as urban and less than 3% is built on according to the UK National Ecosystem Assessment. “All the Syrians will come over here and claim benefits then sit on their arses all day while taking jobs from ordinary Britons plus they’ll live rough on our streets while being given houses the minute they arrive in preference over Anglo-Saxons whom the government make wait on housing lists for at least ten years.”

Meanwhile Ukip member Lily Tice was struggling to fully understand how Farage’s statement could possibly fit in with the party’s outlook. “He said that Syrians should come here because they’re refugees but what if they get benefits and that? Doesn’t it make them just like the Eastern European immigrants? How will I know who to hate?” she pondered. “And what about people from other civil wars? Or are Syrians all right because they’re not black? I don’t get it.”

However Ukip councillor Edward Brass has found much to applaud in Farage’s words.

“Oh yes, it’s marvellous,” he enthused. “At first I thought the boss had gone barmy but what he actually said was ‘I think refugees are a very different thing to economic migration and I think that this country should honour the spirit of the 1951 declaration on refugee status‘.  Nige is sticking to Ukip values all right. 1951 is about as modern as any of us want to get.”

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