Batteries, security and toothless idiots not included
Following on from previous successful television show themed board games, the makers of The Jeremy Kyle Show have revealed a new board game based on the controversial chat show, to be in the shops in time for Christmas.
The game contains all of the elements of the programme, including a DNA kit, a lie detector, a blow up audience and an after-game care team.
“People love spending Boxing Day with the family playing ‘who wants to be a millionaire,” Kyle told reporters at the launch in a Toys ‘R’ Us store.
“But unlike that game where your winnings are purely fictional, our game can result in the authentic family break-ups you see every morning on your television.
“People often sit at home during a lie detector test thinking ‘I could do better than that’, well now they can try from the comfort of their own home.
“And what better way to entertain Granny on her annual Christmas visit than everyone huddled around the bathroom sink waiting for a DNA test to reveal whether the grandson she never really liked was indeed a bastard child and not related to her.”
The set also comes with a life-like battery operated plastic ‘Kyle’ which randomly says many of his favourite phrases.
With sayings such as ‘you should have put something on the end of it’, ‘the DNA result shows you…are not the child’s father’ and the ever popular ‘it’s called the Jeremy Kyle show so shut up’, players can feel patronised without a trip to the Manchester studios.
One family used to test the game told us of their experience. “I always thought we had a pretty solid family unit”, John Steep, father of four – well actually we now know it’s just three – told us.
“But now I know my eldest daughter is actually my brother’s. That said, I think I was the overall winner of the game with my lie detector results proving I had five cases of ‘sexual contact’ and three of ‘sexual intercourse’ with other women.
“How we laughed when those results were read out over Christmas dinner. It was better than usual jokes we endure from the Marks and Spencer’s crackers.
“We will definitely be playing again next year,” Mr Steep continued. “As long as the bitter divorce is finalised and the restraining order lifted.”
