Get a vajazzle like a DualShock controller: women advised ahead of PS4 launch


The Sony PlayStation 4 DualShock controller. Sexy.

A Harold hair salon and beauty spa, Sally’z Cut’z, has come up with some interesting advice for women who are afraid that they will be ignored once their partners get their hands on the new PlayStation 4 games console. “Have an X, a Y, a circle and a triangle tastefully added to your Dame Anna Neagle, girls,” said owner Sally Lloyd, “and he’ll turn his back on Call of Duty: Ghosts and be pressing your new pink button faster than you can say ultra-responsive thumb stick.”

“This isn’t just an issue for straight couples,” co-owner of Harold geek shop Dungeons & More Dungeons, Cassie Fine pointed out. “Once my Naomi starts with Assassin’s Creed IV I’ll be lucky if she even looks at me again until February. I suppose I could try getting a pirate ship shaved in above my Dover-to-Calais but I’m not sure that’ll really help.”

It isn’t just the imminent threat of the PS4 that is causing a downturn in romance Sally Lloyd told us.

“Thanks to the internet and all the rest of it most people now have a sub-three minute attention span,” she said. “ So in the vajazzling business we work hard to combat that and employ designs that encourage extended foreplay. I’m currently experimenting with various glitters and paints to create a lottery scratch card effect and hopefully soon the technology will be in place for scrolling sports news to appear for a gentlemen to read while he’s down below.”

“What about us blokes?” complained support worker Mark Keen. “As soon as my wife gets to start playing Elder Scrolls Online she’s not going to give a rat’s arse about me. I’ve already asked her if she’d like it if I had my Chorlton and the Wheelies made to look more like the Dragonborn but she just laughed. And it wasn’t a nice laugh either.”

The PS4 is out in a few days and Sally says she also caters for the needs of those who wouldn’t touch such a mainstream product with her Jet Set Willy proving popular amongst Harold’s hipsters.

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