You have never and you will never need one of these.
Following an announcement by Tesco yesterday that it’s dropping some of its promotions in order to prevent food waste British supermarkets have vowed to stop selling stupid stuff.
‘Apparently four million tonnes of food that’s perfectly edible, and I mean proper edible not food you’d maybe donate to a food bank then feel slightly guilty about, is thrown away in Britain each year,’ said Sue Gordon, spokesperson for the British Association of Supermarket Retailers. ‘Our members which include every major chain looked at the problem in depth and realised much of this could be avoided if they simply stopped selling stupid stuff. I mean did you know Waitrose sell ostrich eggs that cost nearly twenty quid each. Ostrich eggs! Have we all lost our minds?’
‘The big three supermarket chains each stock their shelves with around 35 different pre-prepared salads and 38 types of jam. And don’t even mention the giant persimmons, the joints of meat in a can and the endless mechanically recovered meat bits dipped in breadcrumbs that have cartoon characters slapped on the packaging,’ she went on to say. ‘Happily British supermarkets are now going to follow the Scandinavian model which will dramatically cut down on waste.’
At the top end of Europe there is only one supermarket chain: Büý. State-owned Büý sells just one type of any product and aides shoppers by putting those products in aisles labelled to represent the attitude needed to purchase and eat them so fruit and vegetables are in ‘optimistic’ whereas microwave ready-meals and cheap cider are in ‘come, friendly death’.
‘Büý is extraordinarily successful and has resulted in Scandinavia becoming the part of the world that wastes the least food per household,’ Gordon said. ‘It’s my hope that by copying this model, we can stop wasting food and instead at least double the obesity epidemic.’
I would eat that sandwich