Stung by accusations of incompetence following the decision to play the 2022 World Cup Finals in the desert heat of Qatar, FIFA have responded by awarding the 2026 Finals to Antarctica.
“We’ve learnt our lessons from the Qatar debacle”, insisted Sepp Blatter, “so to avoid the higher temperatures of the summer months, the Antarctican matches will be played in the winter.”
“We do feel that the Qatar award was taken out of context,” continued the FIFA President defensively. “Overall across the history of the competition, the average temperature across the various locations is only 10 degrees centigrade, if you include Antarctica, of course.”
Antarctica’s winning bid played down the colder temperatures of their southerly location pointing to predictions that by 2026 global warming provide more temperate conditions, with the rest of the world being under water. And whilst FIFA’s glowing report acclaims the prospect of millions of spectators getting the opportunity of seeing live football for the first time, they don’t appear to realise that the supporters will be penguins.
FA Chairman, Greg Dyke, reacted immediately by setting a target for England to secure the 2026 World Cup, “We’ve been planning for this contingency for years”, he said, adding “although I can’t give details, I can say that our long term programme of cross breeding David Beckham with huskies is really going to pay off.”
“It’s going far better than the camel programme anyway. For some reason the camels just didn’t fancy him.”