With the end of the summer holidays fast approaching, the traditional ‘Back to School’ range for schoolchildren has been joined in the nation’s shops with a range of clothing for teachers wishing to freshen up their wardrobe for the start of term.
‘The leading stores have done their maths homework and realised that there is a market of 500,000 teachers out there’ said merchandising expert, Danny Foster, ‘so it is no surprise that they have latched on to this market.
Whilst the perennial ‘Geog Teacher’ range, featuring a brown cord jacket and elbow patches, remains a popular classic it has been joined by a number of more exciting, racier items as teachers try to identify with reluctant teenage learners.
Typical of the new look is the ‘Inappropriate Behaviour’ collection for female Newly Qualified Teachers which is flying off the shelves at Ann Summers. “Of course, we have had to tone down from our usual offering,” said one store manager, “but we give away a free whip with every purchase, so the NQT is able to demonstrate that they will have no problem maintaining discipline in the classroom.”
“Our market research suggests that school attendance will improve dramatically, especially amongst male students,” she continued. “When the range was tested in Sweden, one schoolboy dragged himself into school and insisted in staying for his Biology lesson despite having been knocked down by a bus earlier that morning.”
Clive Morris, Headteacher of Harold’s Shining Future Academy and IT Achievement Haven, explained that all teachers, new and experienced, wanted to identify with students on all levels and this included clothing. “We need to breakdown the communication barriers that have built up,” he said, wearing a reversed baseball cap with the single word slogan ‘Head ‘.