A supplier of farmyard castration equipment is opening a ‘Wether Spoons’ in the high street of Harold – but lawyers for a similarly named chain of pubs have complained, claiming they don’t want to be associated with the cutlery used for removing goat testes.
“It’s ridiculous”, claimed Brian Thorvald, a keen amateur castrator. “We sell special sharp spoons that make it easy to whip out a billy-goat’s plums. Once de-balled, the goat is technically known as a ‘wether’, as any fool knows. So what else could you possibly call our business?”
Wether Spoons hopes to launch a whole chain of shops selling sweetbread removers, and this first one will be known as ‘The Moons Under the Bridge’. But Sarah Kildare, a lawyer representing the pub chain, thinks Thorvald is deliberately yanking their chain.
“Wetherspoons, as opposed to Wether Spoons, is famous for including ‘Moon’ in their branch names, and we’re also unhappy with the their new slogan”, she explained.
“To my mind, it’s no coincidence that theirs is the same as the one we were thinking of using: ‘The Place to Come if You Want to Talk Bollocks’.”
Thorvald insisted that his new business wasn’t confusing, although he admitted that a tramp had recently downed a whole pint of festering spoon wash. “I warned him that the liquid inside was some three or four days old, we use it to keep our wether spoons relatively sterile”, he said.
“The man didn’t mind, in fact he said he couldn’t really taste the difference. But he did say his bar snacks were a bit gristly.”
Thorvald admitted he didn’t have the money to fight a costly legal battle, and might be forced to concede to the corporate giants.
“We might have to rename the business, perhaps hinting at the new roominess between the goat’s knees. We’re thinking of calling ourselves ‘Gap’.”
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