Sixth former despairs over lack of sexual harrasment from teachers

It's what he goes to school for

It’s what he goes to school for

Distraught Harold teenager, Simon Delaney has spoken out on the very serious subject of male school pupils being sexually harassed by their female teachers.

“Nothing,” he said glumly. “I’d get more action from teachers if I was at Hogwarts and half the staff there are ****ing ghosts.”

Seventeen year old Delaney has been a pupil at Harold Shining Future Academy and IT Achievement Haven (formerly Harold Comprehensive) for just under a year having been expelled from four previous schools.

“See, that’s perfect,” he said. “I’ve got the whole bad boy image going on. I’m young, I’m strong. There’s even the wheelchair for women who are into that whole ‘damage equals sexy’ Dr House vibe but all I get from my teachers is chats about exams and what unis I’m applying for. It’s rubbish.”

Delaney blames the media for giving him false expectations.

“Seems like everyday in the press there’s a new story about a straight teacher running off with one of their pupils or sexting them or doing the filth in a cupboard or something. Read a tabloid website and teachers sound brilliant! They’re lazy, don’t care about lessons, let their pupils run riot and get through sixth formers like William McKean gets through pies plus they get half the year off to sit on a beach doing nothing.”

“And then all the teachers I actually know turn out to be boring bastards who like really want to tell you about the causes of the First World War and stuff and spend their lunchtimes looking tired and worried while they do loads of paperwork. And they have high expectations for us all and seem to care about how we’re doing. It’s just wrong.”

“Next time I get expelled I’m going to ask Mum and Dad to send me to one of those schools where it’s complete anarchy and the teachers don’t give a toss about anything apart from striking and shagging.”

“They exist outside of the Daily Mail, right?”


Why does Simon hate William McKean? Click here –

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