New Pool Users Left ‘Bummed Out’.

Is it a chocolate log?

The gala opening of Dunstable’s new multi-million pound swimming and leisure complex hit a bum note yesterday, after a patron took ‘bombing the pool’ literally.

Just moments after the official opening ceremony, and within minutes of the great and good of Dunstable, Harold and Felching taking the plunge into the state-of-the-art pool, local school children, politicians and selected villagers were evacuated after an evacuation of an altogether different kind.

In a scene reminiscent of the 1980 movie ‘Caddyshack’, pool users ran screaming from the ‘floater’, after Harold Councilor Bob Crossly accidentally followed through on what he thought would be a discrete passing of wind.

Speaking to us outside the pool a shivering and shamefaced Bob (Conservative Party) admitted his folly.

“I’d enjoyed myself representing the village at this joint venture between our three councils, and had partaken of my usual buffet choice of some scotch eggs, sausage rolls and a rather delightful selection of pakora and bhaji, and had imbibed in one or two glasses of the free fizz that were handed out.”

Bob continued,  “Thinking nothing of my old nanny’s wise advice about not swimming until two hours after eating, I donned my Speedos and dived right in.  It was only a matter of minutes later that I realised my error and felt what I thought was a touch of exercise induced wind.  Being in the ‘rapid river’ area of the pool, I thought I’d sneak one out, y’know, thinking that no one would notice the bubbles in amongst the man-made current of the rapids.  Imagine my horror and embarrassment when I realised that I’d slipped out something a little less gaseous and a lot more solid.”

Bob’s surprise delivery soon caught the attention of a group of school-children from St. Mary’s CofE Primary school who were the first to spot it, and ran screaming after Ben Jeffrey (7) picked it up and started chasing the girls with it held aloft in his little, pudgy hand.  Thankfully, his mother, St. Mary’s Teaching Assistant Carly Jeffrey managed to prevent him stuffing it into his mouth, in the mistaken belief it was actually a dropped Arctic Roll.

Closed, until further notice.

Council officials have said that the pool will remain closed to the public for the foreseeable future until it has been fully cleaned, sterilised and cleared for use by the Environmental Health Agency.