A spokesman for Mr Murdoch said similar weapons have already been deployed around the world to break up marriages for many years, and they can be deadly from close range.
“We believe Blair is concealing a WMD in his pants” said the Murdoch spokesman. “And we have information that Blair has been conducting secret solo trials of his weapon for many years.”
Murdoch’s concern about whether Blair has a WMD has heightened after the breakdown of a UN imposed inspection regime headed by top lawyer Cherie Blair.
“I have conducted the occasional inspection of Tony Blair for many years” said Ms Blair. “Despite rumours that he has been hiding a weapon ‘downstairs’, I have never seen anything that would excite attention. But recently he has refused to be inspected.”
Responding to the widespread concern that she possesses Tony Blair briefs that have been “sexed up”, Cherie replied emphatically “not by me”. It is a position supported by one time Blair ally George W Bush.
“There is credible evidence that Blair has a WMD that is almost invisible and hidden in a hair covered bunker when not in use – I glimpsed it myself during a visit to the urinal during one of our many summits. But what we hadn’t realised till very recently was that the WMD could expand to many times its size and be quickly ready to fire with the addition of Chinese stimulus.”
The seemingly overwhelming evidence has led Tory leader David Cameron to pledge British support to the Murdoch-led Blair invasion. The newly formed “coalition of the willing” is said to be ready to launch a drone attack using Jeremy Hunt.
Both Wendi Deng and Tony Blair insist that any invasion is illegal as they deny possessing or deploying WMDs, and say they are just friends. However, after persistent reports of small localised explosions while in Blair’s company, there is speculation that Deng will be in New Labour within 9 months.
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