Disneylogians hail discovery of ritual, horse-shoed mouse fossils

This totes really happened. Trufax.

This totes really happened. Trufax.

Leading Disney theologians have spoken of their excitement, following the discovery of the fossilized remains of four tiny mice. Crescent-shaped ore deposits hint at feet shod with horse-shoes, the strongest evidence yet that Cinderella actually existed.

The discovery was made by 46 year-old Walter Higgins, using a metal detector on an allotment in a far-away land. The exact location of the ‘magic kingdom’ is a closely guarded secret, although Higgins is known to own a static caravan in Rhyll.

Unusually for ritual mouse burials, the remains were surrounded by rodent-sized livery and a nose bag that still smells faintly of gouda. Fantasy archaeologists suggest that the mice may have been whipped to death, a suggestion that fits in with a desperate attempt to complete a final journey before repumpkinification.

Casey Huntingdon has long maintained that the books of Disney are based on actual events, and not simply fairytales that are worshipped by children and credulous adults. He points to similar discoveries that would appear to support his claims, particularly if those discoveries aren’t paid too much scrutiny by scientists.

“We recently found the mummified remains of a pale young girl, in an old gold mine in the Trossachs”, claimed Huntingdon. “She was surrounded by seven medium-sized skeletons, which looked much smaller on account of her suffering from gigantism. Early lab reports suggest that the cause of death was poisoning coupled with sexual exhaustion. Only a fool would fail to see that as proof of fairy godmothers.”

The Disney foundation has seen a surge in worship following the discovery, and has responded by applying for charity status for their string of retail outlets. Some critics have claimed the mice are fake, having been previewed on DVD ‘extras’ months before their unearthing, but Huntingdon insists these were just a test of faith.

“Some people will dismiss mouse anthropomorphism even after seeing the special collectors’ edition footage”, he complained. “For every believer, there’s someone else taking the Mickey.”

Comments Off on Disneylogians hail discovery of ritual, horse-shoed mouse fossils

Filed under Culture, News, Religion

Comments are closed.