Alpha males masculinity threatened by woman telling them their masculinity is under threat

A freshly exfoliated and moisturised Barry Johns (pictured) denies men are losing masculinity

Men in the UK have today reached a crisis point after it took a woman to point out to them their masculinity is under threat. The revelation was made by Labour MP, and woman, Diane Abbott in a speech, that as shadow health minister, would have been given by a man 30 years ago.

Alpha males up and down the country are now questioning their masculinity following Ms Abbott’s words and are also trying to understand why they hadn’t discovered it’s demise before a woman to come to that conclusion. There have even been cases of confused men watching more Jeremy Kyle than Jeremy Clarkson for the first time since ‘Top Gear’ began.

Ms Abbott has also said that a rise in the “Jack Daniels and Viagra culture” is a sign of younger men trying to live up to “pornified ideals”. This is something that verified man, Barry Johns disagrees with. “Any man know that one of the biggest side affect of Jack Daniels can only be treated by the use of Viagra.”

He has also questioned her statement that a new hyper-masculinity shows itself as “misogyny and homophobia”. According to Mr Johns, Ms Abbott making these sweeping judgements is proof she must be a lesbian.

One of the symptoms of this loss of masculinity is dads now finding they have to love their children. Ms Abbott has noted that “looking after their children” has reduced the amount of testosterone splashing around in men’s testicles. Calling for them to find their manliness again, one suggestion is to allow men to go back to a time when they could use a leather belt to beat their love into their children.